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Happiness?
2 min read
[li'l vent, but it's uplifting]
Maybe I should try being a little happier.
Sure, I'm piled with schoolwork and projects and just trying to keep my friends happy so much that it stresses me to suicidal rates, but so what? I have them in the first place, so I should be thankful I do. I've got some great friends, who I'm there for and who are there for me. My art's getting a little better, and thanks to a special someone, I'm pretty good at 3D modelling apparently, too. I did well at a recent concert, and I gained some of my friends back as well. Christmas is approaching, the concert's over with, my friends are coming back, there's just so much to be relieved about.
Should I be happier?
I think so. It helps spread off onto others around me (thanks to another special someone for using those words) and it makes me feel nice, having little moments of being carefree and being stress-less. It feels good to not have something to worry about, something that I have to do, something that's constantly in the back of my mind.
It would be nice to have a place where I could go and float infinitely, and just relax my troubles away. It would be a cloud-filled sky, with an unsaturated pinkish color, and bright but not too bright. It would have a warm aura when I'm cold, and a cool aura when I'm too hot. I could float perfectly still and relax, and clear my mind.
...that's getting a little out there, maybe I should be realistic here. I could try laying down in bed late at night when everyone's asleep, and relax then. Nothing would disturb me, and the darkness would be easy to camouflage into.
That's a little more realistic, I should be happy.
I AM happy.
Maybe I should try being a little happier.
Sure, I'm piled with schoolwork and projects and just trying to keep my friends happy so much that it stresses me to suicidal rates, but so what? I have them in the first place, so I should be thankful I do. I've got some great friends, who I'm there for and who are there for me. My art's getting a little better, and thanks to a special someone, I'm pretty good at 3D modelling apparently, too. I did well at a recent concert, and I gained some of my friends back as well. Christmas is approaching, the concert's over with, my friends are coming back, there's just so much to be relieved about.
Should I be happier?
I think so. It helps spread off onto others around me (thanks to another special someone for using those words) and it makes me feel nice, having little moments of being carefree and being stress-less. It feels good to not have something to worry about, something that I have to do, something that's constantly in the back of my mind.
It would be nice to have a place where I could go and float infinitely, and just relax my troubles away. It would be a cloud-filled sky, with an unsaturated pinkish color, and bright but not too bright. It would have a warm aura when I'm cold, and a cool aura when I'm too hot. I could float perfectly still and relax, and clear my mind.
...that's getting a little out there, maybe I should be realistic here. I could try laying down in bed late at night when everyone's asleep, and relax then. Nothing would disturb me, and the darkness would be easy to camouflage into.
That's a little more realistic, I should be happy.
I AM happy.
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venting about various people
4 min read
[a vent about person #1]
I'm so sorry. If I never would have met you, I could guarantee that your life would have been so much better. I love you so damn much, but I know I can't, because I'm keeping you from her, and you loved her to begin with. I'm so fucking sorry about this, I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to give back everything I've taken from you, I want to give back all your time, and I want to take away all the stress I've caused you. I just got so clingy, I would look forward to the beginning of every day so I could talk to you and I just wished the day would never end so we could talk for so long together.
I'm so fucking sorry, you don't deserve me as a friend, I'd just weigh you down.
I'm sorry about loving you, you're just the only person I've ever met that made me feel like somebody cared for me and was there for me, and I'm so grateful for that.
[a vent about person #2]
Why are you so perfect? You're good at literally everything and I hate it. You look so amazing, you're funny, you're suave, and I don't match any of your traits. I can't figure out how we're still friends in the first place, I know that deep down, you just want to get rid of me. I want to leave you alone so you don't have to deal with me, but I can't, I just can't, you're so entertaining and you're such a great friend. I want you to leave my life, but I would miss you so much.
[venting about myself]
What am I doing? I'm losing my grasp with so many people. I used to be friends with everybody, what happened? I don't even know what to do, I just want everybody to come back and love me again for who I was. I don't know who I am anymore, I can't do anything. I try to help people, but it either results in more stress in their life or more stress in mine, and I just get so bottled up and it hurts, it hurts me so fucking much, I don't know how to fix it. Nothing works anymore, I don't work anymore, I'm broken. My emotions fluctuate so much, I don't have control over those now either. School is taking over my life, and I'm trying to keep in touch with so many people that I don't have time to relax. I'm losing everyone.
I can't fix this.
I just don't want to live, nothing's going to work. I can't bring myself to commit suicide. I've experienced love once, then again. Then again, and again once more. I just want somebody to take me in, I want somebody to hold me tight and never let go, I want somebody to just let me hug them and cry into their shoulder because I can't do it anymore. I just want somebody that'll laugh with me and be as fucked up as I am, it's not too much to ask. I can't, won't be happy until I find that person. I'm so fucked up, nothing is right with me. I think I can draw, but I can't; I think I can compose music; nope. I'm gay, I'm a furry, I'm a disappointment, I'm not going to achieve anything, nobody's here, and those that *are* here for me have already left. If I could just have one person, one person to hold onto and say "I love you" to and really mean it, I would be happy.
...but I can't be happy, it's all been an illusion. Faking my excitement, trying to be happy about what's going on, being there for everyone, it just hurts after a while, and I can't do it anymore.
I just want everyone back, I'm so sorry that I hurt you all. I'd do anything to be with you again.
I'm so sorry. If I never would have met you, I could guarantee that your life would have been so much better. I love you so damn much, but I know I can't, because I'm keeping you from her, and you loved her to begin with. I'm so fucking sorry about this, I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to give back everything I've taken from you, I want to give back all your time, and I want to take away all the stress I've caused you. I just got so clingy, I would look forward to the beginning of every day so I could talk to you and I just wished the day would never end so we could talk for so long together.
I'm so fucking sorry, you don't deserve me as a friend, I'd just weigh you down.
I'm sorry about loving you, you're just the only person I've ever met that made me feel like somebody cared for me and was there for me, and I'm so grateful for that.
[a vent about person #2]
Why are you so perfect? You're good at literally everything and I hate it. You look so amazing, you're funny, you're suave, and I don't match any of your traits. I can't figure out how we're still friends in the first place, I know that deep down, you just want to get rid of me. I want to leave you alone so you don't have to deal with me, but I can't, I just can't, you're so entertaining and you're such a great friend. I want you to leave my life, but I would miss you so much.
[venting about myself]
What am I doing? I'm losing my grasp with so many people. I used to be friends with everybody, what happened? I don't even know what to do, I just want everybody to come back and love me again for who I was. I don't know who I am anymore, I can't do anything. I try to help people, but it either results in more stress in their life or more stress in mine, and I just get so bottled up and it hurts, it hurts me so fucking much, I don't know how to fix it. Nothing works anymore, I don't work anymore, I'm broken. My emotions fluctuate so much, I don't have control over those now either. School is taking over my life, and I'm trying to keep in touch with so many people that I don't have time to relax. I'm losing everyone.
I can't fix this.
I just don't want to live, nothing's going to work. I can't bring myself to commit suicide. I've experienced love once, then again. Then again, and again once more. I just want somebody to take me in, I want somebody to hold me tight and never let go, I want somebody to just let me hug them and cry into their shoulder because I can't do it anymore. I just want somebody that'll laugh with me and be as fucked up as I am, it's not too much to ask. I can't, won't be happy until I find that person. I'm so fucked up, nothing is right with me. I think I can draw, but I can't; I think I can compose music; nope. I'm gay, I'm a furry, I'm a disappointment, I'm not going to achieve anything, nobody's here, and those that *are* here for me have already left. If I could just have one person, one person to hold onto and say "I love you" to and really mean it, I would be happy.
...but I can't be happy, it's all been an illusion. Faking my excitement, trying to be happy about what's going on, being there for everyone, it just hurts after a while, and I can't do it anymore.
I just want everyone back, I'm so sorry that I hurt you all. I'd do anything to be with you again.
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For someone.
2 min read
Please, read it all, you know who you are if you're reading this.
Listen, I know it's tough, and I know your parents are treating you so unfairly, but you have us! It's going to be okay. You need to remember that it could be worse. We're all here to talk to you and comfort you and help you escape from what's happening in real life because we can all relate somehow, we know how it feels. Maybe we can't relate to the extent of exactly what's happening, but we know what it's like. You just have to try and stay as positive as you can be, I know it's hard. Think about all of your friends here, and everything that we've done with you, think about the good stuff. I'll always be on skype for you when I can be, and you can vent and talk and just let it out as much as you need to, I just want to be here to help you. It's what friends are for, right?
Anyways, just please remember, we're here for you. Skype us, send us a note. I'm extremely sorry about our time difference, I want to be there for you but it doesn't help with a 9 hour difference, and I can't do anything about it. Just, look forward to Tuesday, at least, okay?
I'll be here to talk to you.
Listen, I know it's tough, and I know your parents are treating you so unfairly, but you have us! It's going to be okay. You need to remember that it could be worse. We're all here to talk to you and comfort you and help you escape from what's happening in real life because we can all relate somehow, we know how it feels. Maybe we can't relate to the extent of exactly what's happening, but we know what it's like. You just have to try and stay as positive as you can be, I know it's hard. Think about all of your friends here, and everything that we've done with you, think about the good stuff. I'll always be on skype for you when I can be, and you can vent and talk and just let it out as much as you need to, I just want to be here to help you. It's what friends are for, right?
Anyways, just please remember, we're here for you. Skype us, send us a note. I'm extremely sorry about our time difference, I want to be there for you but it doesn't help with a 9 hour difference, and I can't do anything about it. Just, look forward to Tuesday, at least, okay?
I'll be here to talk to you.
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redbubbleeee i gots one
1 min read
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a poem for everyone
1 min read
I'm here
If you're feeling down
If someone hurt you
If you feel like you can't do anything right
I'm here
I'll listen to you
I'll talk to you
I'll comfort you
I'll be there for you
I won't leave you if you're upset
I'll try to help
I'll try
I will
and I'll be there for you
I'm here
and I'll stay
and I wouldn't do anything to upset you
If I mess up
If I hurt you
If I did something wrong
If I said something that affected you
I'm sorry
and I always will be
and I don't want to lose you
because your presence is comforting
and I'm here
I'm here for you
I'm there for you
I'm here to listen
to talk
to comfort
to be there in bad times
I'm here
If you're feeling down
If someone hurt you
If you feel like you can't do anything right
I'm here
I'll listen to you
I'll talk to you
I'll comfort you
I'll be there for you
I won't leave you if you're upset
I'll try to help
I'll try
I will
and I'll be there for you
I'm here
and I'll stay
and I wouldn't do anything to upset you
If I mess up
If I hurt you
If I did something wrong
If I said something that affected you
I'm sorry
and I always will be
and I don't want to lose you
because your presence is comforting
and I'm here
I'm here for you
I'm there for you
I'm here to listen
to talk
to comfort
to be there in bad times
I'm here
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